In the name of Allah, the most compassionate, the most merciful
How can this Deen, an exemplary religion of passion and justice be portrayed as so deceitful?
slaughtering dreams of the faithful
crushin the radiance of Islam, the beautiful

All that’s seen is the infliction of agony and pain
And here you have the media, not doin their job, mainly airing stores to entertain.
Sitting by the edge of my front steps shaking my head, not able to do anything but complain, ignorant fools talking vein.

Where’s the truth, why are so many guiltless lives being claimed?
What’s the reason behind this all, flashbacks come to mind of explosions by a jet plane.

Irrelevant chatter being spoken on the metro train, "who’s that mozlem sittin there", how many voices must I drain?
How many times will condalissa rice fly abroad and babble about nothing but a worthless military campaign?

Such rich history we had, from the times of the crusades in spain,
Yet now yous got terrorists with only 1/3 of a right brain
Cant counteract their actions, so in silence I remain?
You must be insane
If yous think imma sit on ma as$ and not protect the sincerity of my religion, my domain.

soo yaaa on the 12th of July, we found a small 2x2 paper attached to our door, with small arabic script and a few numbers only a native could really understand. not giving it a second glance, we toss the paper aside not realizing the essance of its being.

we walk into our apartment yestuday, as a usual sunday would permit, following our regular daily routine, with my after work nap, and my roomate cookin away another delisious batch of vegetable soup!

and there are no lights. no fan. no electricity. this does occur from time to time, but will typically last no longer than an hour or so. 8pm rolls around..we decide to call someone to see if the paper we so nonchalantly passed aside had any importance.

why yes, yes it did. twasssssss the electicity bill. with our broken arabic, we manage to read aloud the first words and numbers of the 2x2 carbon copy sheet of paper.

and the day turns into nighttt, a bright night with a sky so clear, i could see every crator on the moon, and every glittering star in the sky. having no electricty gave us time to relax, enjoy the fact that nothing could be done about the situation, and talk with candles of different aromas buring throughout the flat..amalgamating lavender and vanilla.. coconut and plum =)
being the light sleeper that i am, i moved the couch on the patio hoping the slight wind will be enough ventalation for me to sleep.

hoping that the mosquitos won't take all my american blood,
hoping i wont go to work with red veined eyes and nasty black rings..... hopinngg
****

mm yay for romanian pancakes..

cabbage soup.. is gone.. khalas. no mo'

and now i'm tutoring on the sidee. starting tues. hah we'll see how that goes.. its strange to teach 30 year ol men. i think its even a bit stranger considering i look all of 16 years ol give or take a few months...

so ive come to realize that wen a guy asks to talk to u..it dont mean to talk to u for that one moment in time.. no no

in actuallity he means.. TALK tALkkk... na' mean... haha..this guy at the supermarket ..wat a nut.. andd the thing is..thats my supermarket! so close by, has everything i need and the prices are labled in english! basiclly, theres no way to avoid the "supermarket guy."

...of course i ran out of skimmed milk today, and decided it was time to buy yet another box from the supermarket only to find that the the ONLY cashier open was the "supermarket guy"
such is my luck to have a "supermarket guy" .....

alhumd, a good day with many firsts...

i had my first gum3 at a masjid today. turns out the mosque i went to a week ago has a womens section above the men's, and even though it has a wooden structure blocking some of the view, i was still able to make out the imaam...who bytheway, climbed up this carved ladder looking thing...a mimbar to give a speech.

he gave his serman and i was astongished at how high above he was from everyone. i'm sure if i woulda understoood the serman that it would have impacted me greatly...
but before the serman began, a man was reciting parts of the quran for about 30 minutes, and his voice was so solid, the recitation was so beautiful and the speaker system was so well entrenched that it shook your heart.

an amazing voice with an ability that only few can carry out..to speak out the words of god, there was no doubt that it shook my soul as well..

and the remaining of the day was spent with a collegue from work. a sweetheart who welcomed us into her her, and fed me a healthy meal. her mom cooked baked chiken,vegies and grapes justtttttttt for me. i was touched..

then i tired to understand this whole bellydancing concept and its beyond my means. i think i am incapable of moving in anyyyy of those directions.. haha and i have witnesses to prove it.. im hoping theyll be some kind of improvement by the time the years up..
and then watched a ridiculously horrible jony depp film, the secret window. highly disapointed with hollywood, and didnt want to be associated with america after watching such an intolerable film...

another first..riding a bus.... a bus where a man shouts and screams at the top of his lungs the direction the bus is heading, ppl then jump on and off, coming and goin as they please..with not many bus stops. its one thing to see them, but a whole other thing to ride in one..with music blasting.. alongside stops so sudden you pray there's a seat avaliable for you..

i've started teaching, and i'm enjoying my classes thourghly. and im hoping that my students are enjoying them as well. i have not spent much time on grammer and after grading the pop quizes, have come realize that they need more practice. at least one of my classes does.

today i had yet another engaging converstaion with one of the emplyees at work. we talked about muslims in the west and women, and issues of poverty. he works alot, and had been at work since 11am the previous day, and had not slept. but he's satisfied with his job, since it is his hobby as well...

im the end he concluded that i have a soul of a fighter. which is a nice way of labling anyone who decides to leave the comfort of their home in order to better understand and appreciate the world at large. those who truly want to assimilate as much as possible into a different soceity all together..i applaude all those whove entered coutnires and city different from their own, with languages and customers different than their own..

my roomate is making cabbage soup. i think i might try some. i just had cereals so im good for now! haha

ahh so this entry got deleted. but i felt so passionate i had to write it again.

it deserves an entry all its own.

and so this evening i decided to walk abouts my neighborhood, find a cafe and study for the GREs before it got too dark. Not really know what direction I was heading, I stumble upon a beautiful mosque.. finally I found one in my neighbor, near by, one I could attend for Friday prayer.. I try to enter the mosque but its gated, and I’m not really sure where to go, so a man leads me towards the entrance. Realizing im not from around (because I couldn’t understand what he was saying) he proceeds to find out where the women’s section is (if there is one). Alas, he points behind a green curtain and tells me to pray in there.

I walk in …to find a peaceful older looking women who smiles at me as I walk in. a green curtain eH? Subannalah, the call to prayer is elevated by a loud speaker as soon as I walk in. I wait for them to begin prayer, and I step outside the curtain.

And I pray.

Enjoying the beauty of the creation that god has allowed. A beauty that is rarely seen in the US, as most mosques are old converted buildings, especially in the university setting..

I ask from god the normal things, of health happiness and peace, and walk out the masjid, only to start tearing as I think about the green curtain. Why was that man so insistence that I pray behind it? How can such a beautiful religion allow for something so unjust, how can a religion who elevated a former slave and allowed him to recite the first call to prayer be the same religion that places women behind a dark shield.. a shadow..

I know It isn’t so..

As I walk, the man who assisted me earlier questions as to why I didn’t pray behind the curtain as he had instructed. Why I disobeyed his orders as if he was the determining factor on judgment day. He then asked whether I understood him (in English) and how Islamic rulings state that women cannot be seen. I simple said, I do not understand and walked in the opposite direction (towards my house)

I know it isn’t so.

Tears role, as I am torn. Imagine for a moment, a women who gives birth to a man. A man who is then given money..by the grace of god …to build such a fascinating piece of architecture to be enjoyed by ALL of society. Would he in his sane mind, place his mother, the women who gave him life, behind that green embroidered curtain? What kind of sanity is that…

If I wanted to pray on a hilltop, in the grass, in the park when the call to prayer was heard, would I be placed behind a curtain? My entire world is grounds for prayer..how is it that a formal structure actually built for prayer is forbidden for me?

How is it that I cannot enjoy the beauty of the khutab on a Friday afternoon, of the passionate preacher voicing his sermon, or enjoy the gold Arabic calligraphy around the mosque, or the delicate detail paintings or the massive pillars which hold the building up.. why am I not able to enjoy the building that came from a women, who gave birth to a man, that could build the mosque…

I know it isn’t so,

but how could this man be so naïve..

bismillah.

so i havnt really been thinking that much over the past few days. i mean, really sitting down and thinking.. ive just been moving around, walkin about..looking with my eyes, but not with head or heart. and im not really sure why. maybe ive just gotten so caught up in everything. i get distracted so easily..the city still amuses and confuses me.. i still dont understand much of what happens here..

yesterday as i was walking towards AUC, i saw a boy on the side of the street laying down. a man walked up to him, shook him but there was no responce..he kept shaking him..and as i was several meters away, i turned back and noticed the boy still on the street and the man gone..
the boy..he layed there.. not really sure if he was dead or alive.. but just layed there..and i let him lay there.. i did nothing, i just kept on walking with my bottle of water....just kept walkin...
.....
it has come to my attention that this program is definelty made for rich white ppl who's parents are still pay for their education.. its a program for american grls to attend so in the end they can say "ive been to an exotic place, and now i can marry better" haha its definelty a program that was designed for the rich..

therefore, i have concluded that i will need to find a side job. one that pays so i'm not constantly complaining about my financial situation. maybe tutor on the side. it doenst really matter at this point, as long as i find somethng worthwhile that pays. i can then travel and eat as i please, study arabic at an institution, shop etc..
...
today was my first day in the classroom. it went semi well. the first class was much better than the latter. the first class's english ability was far better than i anticipated and they did an exceptional job.. they really do enjoy being with one another and are definetly intelligent students...

the second class..not so much..they were much shyer of course, although i could tell they wanted to ask... it wasnt as fun because one must understand the language at a more advanced level to joke around etc. so this atmpshere was not present in my level C class. it's gonna be quit a challenge to teach them english when i know no arabic.. haha so i must explain, and describe and use analogies an break a sweat before they can understand. ...they asked good questions...i must do my research..i must explain better..
inshallah.. a challenge i will take on full force..
---
a few wise words..
AnGeLuV929 (11:22:32 AM): i wanna go out and traaaaaaavel
AnGeLuV929 (11:22:34 AM): see the world
AnGeLuV929 (11:22:42 AM): not be stuck wondering when the hell ima get married and to whom

-----
a little encouragment to think can go a long way.. 2 mins later..more wise words...

cmplxSMPLiCiTY (11:43:48 AM): insh it'll all be for the best
AnGeLuV929 (11:43:59 AM): insha'allah...He only does whats for the best
AnGeLuV929 (11:44:03 AM): BADAYYAAMMM
AnGeLuV929 (11:44:05 AM): THERE YA GOOOO
haha.. notice how she KNOWS (and lets everyone know) when she speaks wisely.....

salaam,
im eating pretzels right now. apprently they're not very common here, but im excited cuz theyr soo mmm good.. prettttzeelllss...i will teach them how to make a trail mix type of snack. i hope it goes over well..

subannalahhhhhh alhumd. allakber the hot water is fixed, the screens are on the windows. no mice, khalas. that little vice..

andddd my contacts are hereeeeeeeee alhumd. i can see clearly now.
the rain is gone.

so i was wondering how ppl get to become taxi cab drivers here.. the cabs are usually owned by private owners and the profit is split between the driver and the owner. so the only qualifcation for the cab drivers is that he has to be completly insane..and he has to have no ability watsoever.. to speak english. o ya andddddd he has to have a drivers lisence...which is hard to obtain here..

most ppl use their connections to get their lisences b/c ppl here are typically denied mutliple times for no real reason.. orignially i would get mad at the drivers for wanting so much money to go a few meters especialy b/c gas is so cheap, but now i kinda feel bad for the taxi cab driviers cuz they put up with a lotta bs from ppl..are really poor AND have to split the profit..

it would make so much mor sence to buy ur own cab and keep the profit and start a bizness or something...? i'm not really sure how they feel about their position tho..

on a side note, i ran up and down the stairs, 5 fligths about 10 times..thiss excites me. i might have found another method of working out. i wasnt tired really but it sure is better than nothingg....jiggly stuff go away, never come back..at any time, night or day..

i've also come to realize..with the help of a co-worker that is seems i might be criticing this society..which i hope is not the case.. it's so easy to see a culture, a lifestyle and juge it based on my own presumtions about whats correct and whats not..

but i dont want to do that here..i dont want to pre-judge..i want to take things in for what it is..analize ask questions ..and understand to the best of my ability.. why is it that women dont sit in the front of taxi cabs.. y is that pda is not appropriate but theres still plenty of young lookin ppl displaying it... y is it that women feel they have to cover in order to avoid sexual harrasment..or to work in biznesses..does one loose their sence of urgency in the relgion when its done for a wordly matter..or for what seems to be worldy........ religion and culturee are so intertwineddd..its confusing..yet intriging nonetheless

ok. i still do not have my contacts. egyptian timing sux. wait, there IS NO SUCH THING as timing! siiiigh. its all good, theres not much i can do but drink my tea with instant coffee. a creation i'm enjoying as i type..

sooo i remeber in hs, i used to be very standoffish especilly to the Entire male species. i didnt want anything to do with them, b/c got along with my female friends just fine..which is why my desire to make male friends never really existed.

soo then in college i came to realize that i was juss flat out rude, which was far from my personality.. really it was..hah stop laughing..
and slowly began to change.. it's a slow process when you've been embedded with the notion that "boys are bad". when something like that is engrained in your childhood, its only natural to contiue that thought process unless something challenges it..

ok..so in college ppl took notice to my imbalanced behavor..how was it that i got along with alllll the grls everywhere and didnt know a single guy.

moving right along..as the years went by, i feel that i did improve my behavior and perspective towards the male species. i mean, they are human.. even my roomate said i had improved..so im not lying..

but tHEHnnnnnnnnn YESTERDAY..jenny commented on how it seems that i despise the male race..which is not truee.. so it brought back memories...maybe i'm reverting back to my old self b/c i feel less comfortable here.. maybe i need to figure out my own comfort level etc. i hope i'm yet again percieved as a standoffish snobby brat that i once was.

cuz i really am a nice personnnnn haha reallllllllllllllllly...
jenny..this goes out to u

dang.

weekends over. no more weekend for another 3 days.

basata..so beautiful.. it was by the beach 6 hours away so i took a day off from work. this means that i must stay an hour later every day for the remaining of the week.
the beach was nice, relaxing, beautful water, soft sand, good food, snorkling by the corals, got sun, got a tan apprently. how a dark person gets a tan beats me. im not sure if i like it..although one of my co-workers said it looks nice. i wonderrrrrrr if shes lying..... hah

the stay was expensive..the chale's cost was about 200lbs a night, which we split amongst 6 ppl. the remaing nights we layed out on the sand and gazedd at the stars by a bon fire and sang songs...songs i didnt really know.. ppl here have amazing voices and crazy guitar skills.

it was interesting how the kitchen was set up. u could order food, but most ppl brought their stuff, like pasta and other perishable items and cooked them. so we made our dinners and lunches there ourselves. the whole kitchen was ours, and if we wanted to buy a cucumber or tomatoes, garlic or juice we could..

yaay happy independene day. i guess its not that big of a deal here..considering they dont reallyyy celebrate american indep day. haha. one of the grls however, is having a bbq at her place and we'll have fireworks and show these egyptions a grand ol time. unless i fall asleep.

omygossssssh how could i left this out... so i went jogging along the beach for 2 days, one before runrise and one at sunset. what an expereince to run along the coast of an area where u could see jordan and saudi in the distance. and then yesterday, i went to the AUC gym with laura. shes a good work out partner. its a small guys, with about 3 treadmiles and a few bikes..but its all good. at this point, ill take anything i can get. so 3 nights of running, and i feel good. i'a imma have to keep this up, even if that means i have to run outside in the intense heat... the neighborhood i live in is nice, a subarb away from downtown, close to wear the president lives, so i know it wont be too bad i'a.

o mice o mice, where have u gone.
coming into our house as intruders was wrong.
i hope u never come back,
to a place you dont belong.


yelllaaaaa i should get back to work.

yuk

o my gawd
we have a mouse family in our house.
it resides there along with god-only-knows how many other mice.. therefore me and my roomate decided to buy a mouse trap. the mouse trap here in egypt is very sophisticated. it's basiclly really really reallyyyyy sticky glue. so we put the glue in different places and places crumbs of bread to attact the mice. we came back later that night..and of course..saw a small creatureee iUGsjgksfioueroiwueior im so utterly disguested i cant even type. that is FRIGGEN DISGUSTING yo. sigh ok..
so then we didnt know to get rid of it.. ahhh the adventures of a developing nation..
i mean, how does one get rid of a live mouse?? how? mish..we didnt know how, and even if we did, niether one of us was going to grab it with our bare hands.. khalas end of discussion.
then this morning...the doorbell rang..and it was the trash man. alhumdd for the trash man. he came in and teased simona a little and took the mouse out by its tale smiling away.. hahah umm yah.
end of story. except..what do we do with the rest of the familia?

ehh we have a mouse.
it sits in our house.

it cries. and the family hears ...
tonight, i hope to not tremble..
not to tremble to my fears

of the mouse in our house
but wait, i think it also has a spouse.........

ayye salaam,

sittin in an internet "cafe" with the rest of the "americans" postin a blog. this is quit exciting. its sat night so im sure we're going out tonight. yesterday we went to go watch the best drummer in cairo..he was good..just too much drinkin and smokin goin on.
i hate smoke. i really do. well i like sheesh. haha but cigareets is a whole diff story. too bad even 8 year ols smoke here..disgusting. and the men even more disgusting. but its a beautiful city an the ppl are beautiful and the food is beautiful and the climate..ok not beautiful but its all goooddd...